The Most Important Things to Teach Our Children

I’ve been thinking about this as I transition into empty nest status and think back on our homeschool years while writing a homeschool resource book.  What (outside of the gospel) are the most important things to teach our children?

Academics are important and should not be neglected solely in favor of teaching good character, but there are some things that our society desperately needs to restore in bringing up our children. One look at anything on the internet tells us basic civility is dead and something needs to change.

The first thing I think we need to make sure we teach our children is that what we do affects more than just ourselves, and we need to treat others the way we want to be treated. My parents didn’t really push this when I was a kid, but I spent a lot of time with my very amazing grandma, and I definitely heard this message loud and clear from her.  All her grandchildren agree, we were often admonished with the verse “Be ye kind one to another” and reminded to treat others the way we wanted to be treated.  This was such a valuable lesson for all of us! 

I also somehow got the message that what goes around comes around and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  I probably also got those messages from Grandma (She’s definitely a treasure!)  When I look at how people on the internet (and even in person) treat each other, I think a lot of us need a dose of Grandma’s instructions on how to be a good and decent human being. No one was ever convinced to embrace your point of view by being called names or treated as stupid or evil for having a different view.  And sometimes it’s okay to agree to disagree; not every opinion is a hill to die on, and none of us is right about everything.

When I became a believer, another message I wanted to impart to my children became part of my life: the idea that you must die to yourself and your own wishes and put others’ needs ahead of your own.  This is really important in marriage and also as a parent.  All of us need to learn we are not the center of the universe, and sometimes you must do things you don’t want to do because that is how you put someone else’s needs first.  I am in no way saying you should neglect your real needs in favor of others (for instance, you cannot feed others if you are not feeding yourself, and you need to make sure your family’s basic needs are met before you tend to the needs of those outside of your family) but it is a good practice to seek to put other people ahead of yourself to avoid selfishness. If we all thought about being considerate of others and their feelings, the world would be a better place.

A few other quick ones that come to mind: You cannot make someone (even a blood relative) have a relationship with you if they are not willing, you cannot understand another person until you have walked a mile in their shoes, and pride goes before a fall. I know there are a lot of other important things, but these are the basic building blocks that create a solid foundation for a decent society and a loving family.  I welcome your input on this issue.