What is a Woman’s Highest Calling? Or What Should Our Daughters Do After High School?
This topic has been on my mind a lot over the years, mostly
because I have three daughters (no sons) and because the topic of what our
homeschooled daughters should be learning/pursuing has been a topic of
discussion the entire time I’ve been a homeschool mom. Opinions are strong, but we have kind of
landed in the middle of the road on this issue.
So what are the most common options? The regular route has been to graduate from
high school and go to college, then get a job or get married or both. This
applies whether you homeschool or not, and is probably the most common route.
The other idea that was (and still is) popular in some
segments of the homeschooling community is for our daughters to stay at home
until they marry (which they, the story goes, naturally will!) They are to be
busy learning how to be homemakers and mothers, because that is what a woman is
commanded to do, and that is ALL a woman is commanded to do. (Don’t believe
me? There are “Titus 2 Biblical
Womanhood” bloggers who will not only insist this is the only Biblical mandate
for women, they will block you on social media even if you are nice about
pointing out that this isn’t true.)
I have to say, while we never fully embraced this idea, it
was part of the culture we were in, and it was somewhat attractive. Why spend money on college if the girls were
called to get married and have families?
We told our girls they should only go to college if what God called them
to meant college was necessary. And when the first two girls decided not to go
right out of high school, we told them college would still be there if the plan
changed. Even though they decided not to
go right away, the attitudes I saw towards young women really started to bother
me. (Daughter #3 followed the “regular” plan and went to college right out of
high school.)
I never told my daughters they were definitely going to get
married. And yet a lot of the girls they
were around were told that their goal in life (because it was the highest
calling on a woman’s life) is to get married and have children. I saw young ladies with marriage boards on Pinterest
even though they had never had a boyfriend, young ladies who bought items to
use in a wedding (again, even though they had never dated anyone) and others
hyper focused on talking to every boy they met in case he was “the one.” I saw
some so desperate to get married that they pursued online dating and wound up
in bad marriages or relationships that needed to end. I saw several marry men
they barely knew, on the grounds that it is “better to marry than to burn” and
courtships were kept short, only to find out they didn’t know what they were
getting into and marriage was a lot different than they thought it would be. I saw families who put a lot of effort into
socializing with other families who believed in the stay-at-home daughter and
courtship principles in order to “find like-minded spouses” for their children.
I saw several couples rush into marriage right out of high school (with their
parents’ blessing) when they had no solid plan to have an income that would
support a family or had a plan that was clearly going to be super hard, when a
delay of a year or two and some technical school training would have helped them
struggle less or given some time for a little maturity to develop before taking
on the responsibilities of marriage and children.
And I saw the stay-at-home daughters in their mid-20’s and
30’s, with no skills and very little income, still living with their parents
and babysitting and helping around the house, with no prospects in sight,
disappointed because they were not allowed to do anything without a husband and
children.
When my older girls got to their mid-20’s, without even a
possibility of a husband, they prayed about their direction in life and both
have been led in a direction that includes college. God’s timing is perfect, and for a lot of
reasons I won’t go into, we can see how much better things are arranged because
they delayed college, but nothing bugs me more these days than hearing
self-righteous women state that there is no other calling God can place on a
woman’s life than being a wife and mother.
Does anyone remember 1 Corinthians 7:32-40?
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried
man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the
married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his
interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about
the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married
woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this
for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good
order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly
toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do
as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established
in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and
has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do
well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains
from marriage will do even better.
39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.
But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in
the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I
think that I too have the Spirit of God.
I have been a wife for 29 years and a mother for 27. I love it! But I do not think this is the
only thing God will call a woman into. Also, there are seasons of life. A season of singleness may be just that: a
season. Or it may be for a lifetime.
People like Corrie ten Boom did a lot of good work for the gospel over a
lifetime of singleness. (There are many
others, but she’s the first one that came to my mind.) I have a lot of women in
my life these days that are widows. This
is another season of life. Our entire
lives are made up of seasons, and no one season of life is “better” than
another. They are all filled with
opportunities to serve God wherever He has us at that particular moment. And
some of these seasons last longer than others.
Would my girls like to be married and have children? Yes. But do they think this is guaranteed by
God? No. And do they want to sit around
waiting for something that may not happen just because some people in the
Christian community think that a woman is not to be outside of the home doing
anything other than “home making” skills?
Also no.
I have never tried to limit what God can do in the lives of
my children. I can’t, He’s bigger than I
am, and I will fail if I try. What I have told them, repeatedly, is that they
should follow Him wherever He leads, even if it looks different than we thought
it might 10 years ago. And do the next right thing until He changes the plan,
being content with wherever they are. After all, Philippians 4:11-13 says I
am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content
whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what
it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and
every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in
want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
As a mom, I simply want to see my daughters follow Him all
the days of their lives. And I refuse to lay the burden of a legalistic
understanding of what it means to be a woman on them and call it Biblical.
Some will say that makes me a feminist. I am not nor have I ever been a feminist.
But I also don’t think God makes us all the same, and it is wrong to try and
push all people into a box based on what we think we personally are called to
do. If that makes me a feminist, so be it.
**A book that I highly recommend that probably needs its own
post is Single Isn’t Second Best by Philip Wilder and C.E. White. Check it out on Amazon!
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