Review of Becoming Free Indeed By Jinger Duggar Vuolo

Since my focus is on homeschooling and things that have been popular and/or have been around enough that we can see evidence of whether these things are helpful or not, I am going to review Jinger Duggar Vuolo’s book, Becoming Free Indeed. I need to spell out up front the extent of our involvement in ATI/IBLP over the years.  My children were not raised under these principles.  I didn’t really know what it was until a lot later, though we were around different families who subscribed to some or all of the same ideas, even a few in my own family whose belief system seems somewhat similar (though I don’t think they follow Gothard, just kind of landed in the same place.) We watched the Duggars’ show some, although not every episode, and thought they were a sweet and wholesome family, but we didn’t subscribe to the same beliefs. My girls have been influenced to some degree by some of the teachings, but my husband and I grew up in a legalistic denomination that taught you would go to heaven if you did certain things, and were blessed by a pastor in college who taught us to view everything through a Biblical lens and to make sure grace was part of that worldview, so this never would have appealed to us.  We also met several of the Duggars and ate dinner with them at a campaign event in 2014.  Josh, Anna, Jana, and some of the boys were part of this tour. We also saw Josh and Anna when we attended the swearing in of the Congress in 2015.  It was already evident to my family that Anna was not doing well (Gothard teaches you must have a cheerful countenance, but that doesn't mean the smiles reach your eyes); but that is another story for another day.

So fast forward to now…my children are all grown and in college, and we can see how things have turned out for a number of people in our larger circle that have followed these man-made rules.  In a lot of ways, the bondage we see has been heartbreaking.  Many have walked away from faith completely, some struggle under anxiety and depression as they still struggle to follow the long and growing list of rules they need to follow in order to have the blessings Gothard promised them.  Jinger Duggar Vuolo offers a very well-written and heartfelt story about a third option: disentangling the false teachings of her youth from the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ and finding grace.  She often references the website Recoveringgrace.org, which has been around awhile, that tells the stories of countless men and women raised in this system who walked away from the legalism and into the grace offered by Jesus Christ. 

There is so much about it to unpack, but first I want to say how much I appreciate the way she handled this topic in regard to her parents.  They are not mentioned a lot, but she says she loves her parents and had a good childhood.  But she still tackles the beliefs that put her under such a burden.  I believe she does a good job of demonstrating the fact that it isn’t sinful or dishonoring to disagree with your parents on theology. The umbrella of protection idea that she was raised with seems to put forward the notion that you cannot ever have a critical thought about what your parents believe or you are breaking one of the Ten Commandments.  But the Bible never teaches that idea. Some people are criticizing her for disrespecting her parents by writing a book dissecting the belief system she was raised in. But to be fair, her parents put their brand of theology out there for public consumption, and her brother’s scandal did a lot of damage, both to her family and to a public perception of homeschooling, so her book is a necessary counter to all of that.  And it is definitely not a tell-all book about her family. 

Second, as I read it, a lot of things I saw as my kids were growing up made a lot more sense. Like I said, we never participated in the program, but were around different families at different churches that participated in it. (Note: God blessed us with a very wonderful homeschool support group. No one in the group seemed to subscribe lock, stock and barrel to any of these principles.  I don’t think people involved in IBLP would have been comfortable with a group of people with such a wide variety of theological views.) We heard it all. One acquaintance had a guy break off a relationship when her father insisted he would still have a say in his daughter’s life after they were married. Another couple wasn’t allowed to hold hands until their wedding. Some discouraged their daughters (but not their sons) from getting a college education and emphasized that their sole purpose in life was to get married and have children. Others participated in the stay-at-home daughter lifestyle and taught that their daughters had to always be under the authority of a man, either a father or husband, or, I assume, a brother if that was the only option. Many subscribed to the standard of skirts only for women. A lot had fairly large families. Large families never bothered me, my dad is one of 9 and my grandma is one of 12, but I got the impression that our small family of three daughters was looked down on by some, and my extra-curricular activities (specifically my stint doing political debate on a weekly radio show and other campaign activities) were frowned upon by one mom. We also went to a wedding where the father of the bride’s word of wisdom to his daughter in the middle of the ceremony was to never withhold her body from her husband.  I wish I was exaggerating, but we (my family) were all stunned that this was the advice a father would give his daughter in front of a whole room of witnesses on her wedding day. Another couple didn’t eat dinner alone until after they were married. Some who have stayed under the system in their own marriages come across as self-righteous and pharisaical. I am thinking of a particular email that went out just last year by a couple that was raised this way and who are active in politics stating that God was good because a prominent politician was very ill and they blamed him for stopping some pro-life legislation; he got no credit for also being in charge when our heartbeat bill was passed. (And the politician passed away a short time later.  I was horrified by the grace-less and tacky tone of the communication from them on behalf of their organization.)

Back to the book...Vuolo simply tells her story of theological transformation in this book. She goes through how it began and how it continues to this day. Her fear of sinning, of taking communion with unconfessed sin, of not doing everything according to the checklist, she takes each thing apart bit by bit, using the truth of Scripture instead of picking verses out of context to support the latest rule set down by Gothard.  I think that could be particularly helpful for sincere Christians trying to reconcile what they were taught with what the Bible actually says.

The section where she talks about what she was taught about marriage definitely stuck out to me. She talks about how Gothard taught that if a wife was cheerful and organized and always available, not asking for anything extra out of her husband, he wouldn’t cheat on her. But woe to the wife who doesn’t do all the things.  She talks about how her sweet husband gently taught her that it was okay to have a bad day, that he wanted to hear her opinion about things (and she didn’t always have to agree with him) and that she could be herself with him. I think this kind of thing is the single thing that has stuck out the most to me as we have been around families adhering to these beliefs.  That women are treated as if they are responsible for how a man acts, and that it is wrong for a woman to do anything other than marry and have children.  There is no allowance for God calling a female into a certain field for a season of life, whether that be college or missions work or a career.  That doesn’t mean my girls don’t value the idea of getting married and having children; what it does mean is that they will follow God’s leading wherever He leads, whether that means they ultimately get married or not.  They are committed to just doing the next right thing.  Getting married is not a guarantee if you follow a set of rules. And if you actually read the New Testament, you will see that Paul doesn’t teach that being single means you will be wasting what God made you for.  He teaches quite the opposite. And I have seen many wonderful wives have husbands cheat on them or leave them after deciding they no longer wanted to live as Christians, so it is a false concept that following all of the rules will automatically result in a wonderful and long-lasting marriage.

She devotes a whole chapter to the idea of the “umbrella of protection,” which in my experience, is probably one of the most harmful ideas taught by IBLP/Gothard. This idea teaches that if you step out from the umbrella of authority placed over you by God, Satan will be able to attack you and bad things will happen. This might seem to be a good thing, especially to parents who want to have externally obedient children who obey them without question. But this level of obedience, with the threat of God removing his blessing and protection from you, is extremely dangerous in my view. Vuolo talks about how self-righteous her attitude was towards people who didn’t follow all of these principles, and how it also instilled a lot of fear and anxiety in her as she strove to follow the rules set down by Gothard and her parents that she was going to do something, even unknowingly, and be out of the umbrella of protection, vulnerable to Satan. The umbrella doctrine taught her to be afraid of God and his wrath. Also, the umbrella doesn’t seem to have an expiration date, which is why the father I mentioned above felt like he still had authority over his daughter even when she married. I have seen multiple instances where young men were fearful of stepping out and living on their own, even after college, because they were not married and the “umbrella of authority” had been drilled into them as the best place to be. 

Also, I see a lot of young people raised under this idea that have a very hard time with discernment, not only because they are taught to obey authority without question, they are insulated from beliefs their parents think are wrong, and therefore, never think through the ideas to see how they measure up to Scripture and make the beliefs their own.  Vuolo talks a lot about the servant leadership Jesus showed, and how different that is from the top-down, authoritarian structure Gothard espoused.  One note on this, everyone in these households is supposed to not only submit to the authority of the father, they are to do it with a cheerful countenance lest the witness of the family be damaged.  While it might seem like a good thing to be outwardly cheerful all the time, I think most of us know that this isn’t authentic.  People have bad days. And if they act like everything is good no matter what, they are not being real.  Not that I think people should complain all the time, but it doesn’t damage your witness to say things aren’t going great, but you know God will bring you through your troubles.  Authenticity and grace in adversity is a much better witness, in my opinion, than the false “Miss Merry Sunshine” attitude that Gothard says is the best.

On that note, there is a part of the book where she talks about how they were to spiritualize everything.  Having known some people who do this very thing, I always wondered why, as a Christian, this rubbed me the wrong way.  Some of the time I would feel bad about myself, because I am not that pious; but eventually, I realized the reason it bothered me is because it isn’t real. No one is really that pious all the time. Just saying God is good doesn’t address the fact that we do struggle with things, and that is okay.  God can handle our low times.  And, as my two author daughters will tell you, it is far better to show your faith through your actions, not just tell with words.  And let others notice what is in you. Fruit will be noticed even if you never point it out to people.

In closing, I think this book does a terrific job of pointing to the truth of grace that was and still is absent in IBLP teachings.  I can wholeheartedly recommend to anyone who grew up under these teachings, on the fringes of these teachings, or even just watched the family on television that this book is worth your time. Especially if you suffer from anxiety from trying to follow man-made rules and would like to crawl out from under the burden legalism puts on your life.  And if you suffer from the kind of anxiety Jinger Duggar Vuolo experienced, a good Christian counselor may be able to help you find the same answers she found and is still finding on her journey towards the grace offered by Jesus Christ.

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36